I’m like 99% sure Gavin isn’t super interested. Probably a good thing because he looks slightly like Garett and his name is so similar I might accidentally call him Garett.
I still think of Leif very often. It’s a lot easier than it was the first time, I mean last time I literally felt like I was rotting from the inside out. This time… I’m just saddened by the fact that the man I thought was the one was actually a fucking facade. I remember the way he looked at me under the moon and the stars on Lake Tahoe, and when he told me he only wanted me at Donner Pass, and how he wrapped his scarf around my neck on Jenner Beach when I shivered, and it feels like he was a completely different person from the man that closed the door in my face and stared blankly and soullessly at me. I think it’s the most painful thing ever to think you have literally everything you ever wanted, right there in your arms, and to be the same for them, and then watch it crumble and that kindness fade into indifference.
And then there’s Abe, who I just met but I think it could be good. At least he likes my fucking city.